daily post: source of anxiety
My biggest noise that i fear will grow silent far to soon in the noise of the emptiness.
I fear to become the empty bookcase.
To not have any memories or extreme emotions, like those possessed in the pages of the books that should have stood proud in the now empty bookcase.
The fear of not having anybody remembering me, like i remember the smell of my dearest books.
It’s not the desire to be a full on library, just to be that little vintage bookcase in someone’s home.
The anxiety of not having a full life, and knowing it’s all up to me.
So in my last post i mentioned the Christmas parties that usually involve annoying family.
Well today we handled a different and more fun bit about Christmas.
In Belgium we have this holiday called ‘Sinterklaas’ on the 6th of december, and tradition is that in the weekend after this holiday we go buy our christmas tree and decorate it. So Today is the 7th and a saturday which means we went to buy our tree. I must say every year me and my mom have some debate over the tree ( bigger ! no smaller ! ) and how to decorate it. This year was an exception, we both liked the same tree and we made the decorations in advance. We found some pins on Pinterest with some gorgeous vintage ornaments and we tried our best to make ours a bit like those.
The tree is not to heavily decorated and with just 2 type of ornaments, but we like how it’s simply, vintage and still christmasy.
It’s almost that time of the year again … Christmas !
And i absolutely love christmas, i really do. The lights, the smell of the christmas trees, the songs that go along with it and of course the presents. Who wouldn’t love those 🙂
But besides all those wonderful things there is one thing i would rather skip … Every year the same question at all the family dinners ‘How is your love life doing ? seeing anyone yet ?’ and every year i have to give them the same answer ‘no i’m not seeing anyone at the moment’ or anything in the likes of that. And as a custom they make the same inappropriate jokes they make every year.
This year for a moment it looked like i could have answered their question differently.
Because for a moment i thought i found someone. To make a long story short …
I saw someone i thought was interesting, so i fussed about it for weeks and i finally managed to ask him out. Then we went on a date and he was really interesting and we had a lot of common interests and whatnot. At the end of the date i kissed him, we kissed.
We planned another date, all went smoothly until that one horrid moment when he got my name wrong. The man is completely infatuated with me, to the extreme as where he can’t take his eyes off me ( which kinda bothered me near the end), and then he gets my name wrong … Yes that kinda stuff happens, yes he might have been tired, but still.
Maybe i’m just the one making excuses, but in the end there was no spark at all, not from my side anyways. And please don’t think i’m judging the man just because he got my name wrong ( and i really haven’t given enough background info but this post would get to damn long if i did), because i really do like him a lot, but maybe just not enough.
So no dear family i am not currently dating anyone, so no i don’t know if they have a rich father. And i certainly don’t care what you think about me being single, or what my future husband should be like.
Maybe it’s a bit early but happy holidays everybody 🙂
let’s all enjoy the festivities and good food ^^